Passiveness.

I came to a rather fitting analysis last night when I was out with my friend, Stephanie. The distinction between people who handle dillemas with passiveness compared to those who show emotion and empathy.

For weeks now, I have felt weak because I showed emotion to how I felt hurt by certain people. Wheras, for others I've known, they were completely complacent with paying no mind to it, as if it never existed. I felt as if I inferior to them, and something was in fact wrong with me. Loss than became more prevelant for me after a friends suicide. And I only showed more emotion. It took me to be able to ventilate all this to a friend last night to understand for myself that I am not abnormal at all because I grieve. I am human.. And through steps of allowing myself to grieve, I allow myself to grow by paying attention to what just happened. With excessive passiveness, people will ignore and bystand any of their feelings and use other means of distractions or replacements to fixate any type of healing. We must learn from our situations in order to better ourselves as individuals. Or else, we will likely repeat the same mistakes. Also with passiveness, people who tend to isolate themselves within their own comfort zones with dealings of methods and people, making it all the more impossible to help themselves in any way through personal growth. With not having a passive personality, it does make me more prone to be affected by others words and actions. However, the idea of carrying a unfeelingness monotone outlook personally makes me cringe. I tried subjecting myself to the kind of demeanor recently with an ex in order to think I could make myself stronger willed, and it failed miserably. I do not have it within me to be a cold purposely to other people to elevate myself. ...and that is fine by me.... It does not make me any less of a person. I have always been a very direct thinker and approacher. I like to evaluate and discuss a problem openly, honestly, and respectfully.

It really helps to see all this... and it definetly helps magnify my self esteem on some levels.

I suppose these are all good findings? :)