I never really talk about my sister but my sister is the person who is probably most like me. We like some of the same authors, dress like we're from different decades, have similar views on culture and beliefs; only real solid difference between us is she is more lighthearted than myself. My decipherment to why that is that she's a Buddhist and I have more years on her, indicating more life experiences and then ensuing cynicism on my point of views. She got a new haircut in which I kidded with her as a "Scientology haircut", because I saw Katie Holmes with the same one. But it's cute though. :) I caught her this morning in the bathroom and snapped a picture of her, visibly bemused to what I was doing.

I ran into Chris today at Bean & Leaf out of chance. Chris was the chap I eluded to in ambiguously edited entries some time back. I found someone I thought could finally put my insecurities to rest with, and date them willingly without restraint. Well, conflicting circumstances didn't make that possible for us. It was difficult to get through without taking it personal, but it could of been much worse. We have been keeping in touch considerately via Internet since that happened. Today felt awkward though, and I so wish it didn't. It felt like one of those encounters you have with people that are no longer in your life and you feel obligated to catch up with one an others lives in 2 min duration where the entire context of the conversation is on a surfaced level. It's rushed, trite, and seemingly fake to put it blatantly. Perhaps I am to blame as well. I know I contributed to making things somewhat wavering between us due to the nature of my emotions at the given time. I just wish it didn't have to carry over to the present. I felt inclined as he was packing up his stuff to ask him if he wated to get coffee somewhere and talk in a more carefree/unadulterated fashion, but I hesitated yet again.. :/

Nowadays I'm not as daring or as adventurous with dating as I was when I was 20. So I guess out of respect of that fact that I shared a brief past or an experience with a person I just hope that there would be of a more of an interactive dialogue if and when I see them again by chance. Maybe that's false expectations. I know why I make such a valiant effort though and why these issues are so dear to me. It's always been easier for me to resent my (real) ex's and write them off as thoughtless and inhumane due to their choices and indecisions in putting my sensitivities at jeopardy. I don't want to do that anymore to people to whom did not do anything to go out of their way to disdainfully hurt me for far less vindications. Realistically, it doesn't work to my advantage and compensate for anything. For instance, last weekend I expected to have had a more elated reunion with Adam, but at the club we were both in, it went nothing further than him asking how my ex was and patting my behind whenever he felt inclined to do so.

I'm thinking more about Chicago. I'm aware that there are more slim findings as far as prospects of dating goes, but that's not what is on my mind. In cities, people are just looking for thrills. Suffice it to say though, that may just be what I need now. Not in the sexual sense, but I am obviously bored here and I keep finding ways in talking myself into getting settled here without making any ill or hasty decisions by "running away". But there are conclusive and explanatory reasoning's to why I still haven't committed with going through with getting a new apt, or a new car. I'm not ready to that here perhaps. Honestly I don't now what else I need to accomplish here anymore. I might need to redefine running away simply as moving on. I might be making some abrupt decisions in the succeeding months ahead.