no censoring myself here.

I am sitting here next to Adam upon the completion of our adventure to Chicago. The train has started moving along slowly, and he is contently monitoring the dark passageways of the exit of the train station. This weekend was an escape of sorts. An escape from my worries, an escape of a former life. And in a sense an introduction of new beginnings of what is soon to come for me. I wanted to be able to purge myself in another human body and experience everything that I could. So an attractive, alluring young gay male named Adam, proved for me to be the perfect candidate for such on occasion. And he was. I think I learned more about him than I had expected. My first impression of Adam: A very intuitive and a well balanced young guy. He is extremely self aware of himself, and seems to know exactly how to conduct himself when thrown into a situation that is unfamiliar. And he doesn’t bother himself with worrying. He takes a situation for what it is. Divulges himself in it, takes away his gain, and seems to be fine with whatever the end result is. He has an acute sense of perception, and enjoys taking charge in a situation. Whether he does it for personal empowerment or out of pride, that is something I have not quite determined. However, he is quite considerate to making those he feels comfortable. He is affectionate for the most part. He has spurts here and there when he smiles, and cracks a joke. Much of the time though, I find him looking at me with a very intent looking gleam in his eyes. An unknown stare, which I still don’t know completely how to read, but that’s ok. He leaves room and interpretation open for mystery, and I find that sexy and intriguing. Adam has a brash side of him. A side of him that is very fitting for most people with very independent personalities. They like their comfort zones. They are perfectly fine with detaching themselves in situations, and finding fulfillment for themselves. I find myself to be independent thinker, but that is not something I have always found myself able to do. Which, coincidently, I envy him in that respect. To be able to be so self assure with himself, he doesn’t need to give much of a second thought to wondering if he made the right decision or not. As I write this part right here, I am left with a sense of uneasiness. And it is difficult for me to find words to put why it is. So I suppose what it is when one goes and ahead and purges himself into someone for self exploration, physical pleasure, and much more. There is still such a sense of the unknown, but I guess it is best to leave it with that. This was a weekend trip into the unknown and that’s what it was supposed to be. I will likely encounter many similar experiences while in Europe of similar circumstances and happenings. I am not going to waste my time and be trivial over it. It was an experience. As what life is, experiences we learn from by giving ourselves without any expectations. The strongest people alive are the ones who know how to do that confidently. Wasting time in regret and stopping and putting it in analysis and regret makes it all the more complicated. What I can say is that I feel fortunate that I have made a new friend, a friend of exceptional benefits. I am not accustomed to doing that, and I have to admit, it does feel nice. And I do hope I made much of a better time possible with Adam than that “the unmentionable” could do. He is a taboo to us, and that is how I would like to leave it. One we can roll our eyes and banter at. I find flattery in calling Adam my travel sized gay companion. It just creates in my mind a tighter bond. And Adam, he is a smart non conformist cookie. He is sitting next to me reading about the metaphysical claims of religion. Personally, I find atheism attractive. At least in the sense Adam puts it. I like when people are able to back up their convictions with substantial examples of why they believe in something or why they are against something. I have met enough animal rights floozy scene kids in the past 8 months to know the real difference between someone who is doing something to make a statement of their own personal convictions against someone is simply doing it for a cry out for attention and to just be annoyingly different. Your not any cooler of a person because you don't eat dairy. People who can’t think for themselves, I want to kick them.
I am tired of typing now. So I think I will stop. But now I look at Adam as I often do, and a the same question is raised.
“What is Adam thinking now?”