this and that.

If my memory serves me right, I made one of these a couple years ago, but didn't get past a introduction. I think I was just trying to have an online account of every site that was out there. Well, I am now more coming of age and think that writing out my thoughts would be excellent therapy for my psyche now. When I don't have the money nor the time now to commit to an actual therapist, I find I can always be my own.

I will begin with something I find exciting, because exciting news is the best kind. I am going to Chicago this weekend with a boy named Adam whom I have just been aquainted with this past week. He is my height, he is genuine, he is attractive, and he is awkward. My fav attribute by far. We had a lovely evening for the most part last night in Ann Arbor. There was one taboo in the way that was brought up on a few brief occasions, but it got drowned out quickly enough. Last night I also had a unique first experience. I have never in my longevity of being openly gay since I was 18, never have been able to hold another males hand in public without having the slightest inclination on losing my grip over a passer bys perspective. It felt invigorating. Truely, what I feel like I have been needing these past few weeks. An escape or fallout from my former troubles. Consequently, this romance will not last forever. My weeks left in the United States are numbered. Which is why this situation makes it all the more easier for me. I have nothing to lose, except my insecurities with my move and my ex. Which have taken a back seat since meeting Adam. It feels especially freeing to be very candid, with displays of affection and conversation without having to hold back on the initial, is this date appropriate for this behavior just yet?

Perhaps I am following a different example of a romance just this once because the way I have handled them before with both of my previous ex boyfriends.
It has been proven that guys fall for me because they are missing somethign within themselves. So what do they do. Go out and seek a resource to accomodate what it is their needing, and it has been about in both of my relationships of what the other person has already make up in their mind what they need me for. They need to be understood, or they need to come to a more clarified understanding of themselves, and I am nothing more than their desired instrument. Perhaps I am a good listener, and I am the type of person who has no problem to express that they care for someone when their hand is reaching out to me.
And I accept it, and I let them take advantage of me.
and I am also not about to swear off dating for three years as I did last time to avoid something like this from happening again. because well it just did.
i feel the best way to learn from experiences is taking chances on the unknown.

Hell, I am moving to Europe by myself and I have never even been there.
How much more unascertained can I be?